They say releasing anger is always better than keeping it in. But what happens when you just can’t do it and has to remain calm and collected? What if expressing anger can cause more damage than good?
I’ve always been cautious of what other people think and feel about me. So I’ve never been the kind of person who expresses her feelings really well.
But as I grew older that, I realized that by not doing so, kept me from learning so much more in life. I was too afraid of the consequences of my actions that I rarely feel that fulfilling moment of self-expression.
I am far too different from my siblings who are perfectly okay human beings and are not afraid of making a mistake. They are never too scared to stand up for what they think is true. They are never too afraid to make a point of something they truly believe is right. And they are never too scared to show real emotions to other people. Anger included.
I, on the other hand, have always been this trying-hard sweet little gal who does her best to please other people, make others happy, be agreeable to everyone else. Except herself.
I smile even though I feel angry and devastated inside. I laugh even at times when all I wanted was to break down and cry. I always have this other part of me who wants to remain unscathed in the midst of many emotions hurling my way – that part of me who only to wants act strongly in front of people
It always fascinates me how other people can express themselves freely, unconstrained by the fears and consequences of their actions. I always wonder how it would feel like to just openly express my anger when I’m feeling like it, and not be curious about what other people might say. Sometimes I just want to shout out loud how frustrated I am with my life and not be ashamed of doing it. Sometimes I just want to scream at some people’s faces and tell them they are nothing but discouragement in my life. Sometimes I just want to point out to them that all they’re doing is holding me down and not letting me get up on my own two feet so I can be as strong as I can be, emotionally.
It must be really satisfying, really freeing to just be who really are when you need to be. To express that emotion right at the moment it occurs.
But, sadly, one had to remain calm and collected as you are right now. Because whether we like it or not, ‘controlling anger’ will always be an issue where ever we are.
Or else, all hell will break lose.